I have not suffered the afflictions of the prophet Joseph Smith. No one has ever dragged me from my bed in the wintertime. I have not been tarred and feathered. I have not endured unsanitary and deplorable conditions in a small dirt basement jail. I have not suffered the afflictions of the prophet Joseph Smith.There are far worse things that I could be made to endure and yet I am "heavy laden".
Last night I dreamed a dream that was so real and disturbing that I woke up truly shaken. I dreamed of a good friend who was once the love of my life. In the dream he was in trouble and I was praying for his well being. I felt my Heavenly Father so close to me at that moment. When I woke up, I felt desolate and lost. I still love my friend and am still in love with him. Perhaps I always will be. Unfortunately he has chosen a path that I cannot walk down with him. As a result, I am single and a proud member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It is hard to be a faithful, single woman in the church. I have been a member all of my life. I have always wanted to be a wife and a mother. But the Lord hasn't blessed me with this... at least not yet.
In his October 2006 conference address, Elder Dallin H. Oakes gave a talk titled "He Heals the Heavy Laden". I think this talk was written just for me. Elder Oakes reminds us that the Savior invited us to "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28 Elder Oakes goes on to say that many of us carry heavy burdens. He mentions the unrequited desire to be married as a "heavy burden". To have an apostle of the Lord sympathize with my situation gives me comfort. It propels me forward and I am able to look outside myself and notice my many blessings.
My most precious blessings are my earthly Mother and Father who love me unconditionally. They are my anchors in the stormy port of life. Mom is always there to listen to me, and Dad is always ready to take a drive and just talk. I love them both.
So this dream that upset me so much this morning turned out to be a blessing. It forced me to look at myself through a magnifying glass and realize that I have become like the Nephites who cried, "We have enough" and had things taken from them. And I realized today, although somewhat painfully, that the girl in my dream... the girl playing me... was not me. She was praying to her Father in Heaven in earnest, knowing that He would in fact answer her. Trusting Him, she knew that her prayer would be answered and that He would give her rest from her burdens.
Somehow I've lost that. I've let me anger get in the way. I've cried, "Enough" and I've gone my seperate way. No more... This day I pledge that I will put more effort into my spiritual self. I will harken unto the council of King Benjamin who said: "And now , because of the covenant which ye have made ye shall be called the children of Christ, his sons, and his daughters; for behold, this day he hath spiritually begotten you; for ye are born of him and have become his sons and his daughters." Mosiah 5:7 I have awaken from a dream, and I will count this trial as an experience that has burned from my wheat some of the tares Mathew 13: 30 It has made me into something better.
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