What will my Gift be to Him?

"And when they were come into the house, they saw the young child with Mary his mother, and fell down, and worshiped him: and when they had opened their treasures, they presented unto him gifts; gold and frankincense, and myrth." Matthew 2:11  

      I was sitting in church today waiting for the service to begin and my mind was very restless.  I started thinking about all the gifts that I still need to buy for my niece and nephews.  Then I remembered that I still haven't even thought of what I will get my mom and dad.  Church started and we sang "It Came Upon A Midnight Clear".  I couldn't help but think of that wondrous night of Jesus' birth, and my "to do list" quickly got pushed to the back of my mind.  After our ward business, the speakers got up and one by one spoke on gratitude.  The talks were all very good.  Suddenly a thought came to me: What gift will I get Christ this year?        

     I am 38 years old, and I am ashamed to say that this is the first time I've really ever seriously pondered this question of a gift for Christ.  No sooner had I thought of the question than the answer came to me:  I must give Christ my love.  My obedience would show Him my devotion.  My sweet nephew, who I had dragged to church with me, had been thumbing through my scriptures, fascinated by the indented tabs.  He looked up at me with his sweet, innocent eyes and asked me, "Aunt Jenny, how far have you read?"   BLAMO!!!  A DIRECT HIT!!!  I explained to him that I was reading in the Book of Mormon and showed him how far I had read.  It was then that I realized what I would give to Christ. The ultimate test of my obedient devotion would be to read the rest of the Book of Mormon by the end of December.  Since I had 330 pages left to go this will be quite a feat for me.  I will have to be disciplined, but I know that I can do it.  As soon as I decided upon this gift, a wave of love crashed over me.  I knew that this would indeed be the perfect Christmas gift for my Lord and Savior.  I will pray day and night that I maintain the strong desire that I have right now to read 11-12 pages a day until the end of the year.  

"... He bringeth them unto their desired haven."

  Last night I was feeling pretty sorry for myself.  I admit I was a little down in the dumps. I have been babysitting my nephews for the last 2 weeks solid, my air conditioner went out in my car, and now my car won't start.  To top it all off my little sister... you know the one who was born when I was 16... is talking about having a baby.  Well, with everything piled all together it all looked pretty bleak.  Yesterday's post really helped me to work the "boo hoo's" out of my system.
     In knew that the metaphor of a storm as a trial was mentioned in the scriptures. After all, the hymn "Master the Tempest is Raging" is all about the life's stormy weather.  By the way, this has ALWAYS been one of my favorite hymns.  So I went digging in the scriptures and I found a very beautiful scripture in Psalms which refers to the children of Israel wandering the in wilderness.  It reads: "He maketh the storm calm, so that the waves thereof are still.  Then they are glad because they be quiet; so he bringeth them unto their desired haven." Psalms 107:29-30  Of course the "haven" the scripture refers to is "heaven"... right?  But I'm only 37 and heaven... I hope... is a long way off.  The being said I think the word "haven" refers to a harbor of sorts.  The word harbor means "a part of a body of water along the shore deep enough for anchoring a ship and so situated with respect to coastal features, whether natural or artificial, as to provide protection from winds, waves, and currents." (taken from www.dictionary.com)  Of course the "he" in the scripture refers to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  He will take us to safe harbor.. if we let Him.  Once in the harbor it is up to us to throw down our anchor.  I'm also sure that even in a harbor the storms of  life can be felt... seeing as you are still on the water.  However, I'd much rather be in the harbor during a storm than on the "open sea".

Well... ain't that somethin'

   Into each life a life a little rain must fall.  So... carry an umbrella?  You can't always get what you want... but if you try real hard you get what you need?  Wait... what if what you need really isn't what you think you need?  How do you know what it is that you need?  I mean... aside from the basic requirements of life... food, shelter and clothing.  Hmmm... this is some deep thinking for a Tuesday night.  I really don't have anything deep to say other than to comment on how funny it is that when it rains it pours.  Am I feeling sorry for myself?  Why just a touch... yes.  I'm allowed.  However, I haven't forgotten that I am being watched over.  My prayers are heard and, if I let him into my heart, the comforter will give me peace during such stormy weather. I have a saying stenciled on my living room wall to remind me of who I am and what I believe.  It says, "Look toward the sunshine and let the shadows fall behind."  To me the "sunshine" is my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  This world is really, really distracting to live in.  It is hard to really focus on what it is that  needs to be done instead of what I NEED.  I am slowly finding out that when I focus on what needs to get done.. what I need gets taken care of.  Wait a second... Am I married?  No. Do I have kids? No.  But do I need that right this second to accomplish the task at hand?  No.  So I guess I just have to remember that and look toward the sunshine so that the shadows truly do "fall behind".

A Child's Prayer

 My cat Truman went missing a few days ago. Truman came from the shelter and used to be an outdoor cat. While he transitioned beautifully to living in my home, he always had a tendency to try and escape to the great outdoors. Previously, he had only slipped out of the house and wandered over to the neighbor's house.  On that occasion I found him within 20 minutes. 

     This week I have been fostering an 86 lb Newfoundland puppy.  The pup has to go potty... a lot.  One night, while taking the pup out to do his business one last time, Truman decided to go exploring.  Of course, it was so very dark that I didn't realize what had happened.  When I woke up on Wednesday morning, I knew that something was wrong.  Usually Truman pelts me with his not so amazing acrobatics.  So when I woke up a little later than normal, I knew he was gone.
     I searched and searched for him, but did not find him.  I checked all of his favorite places... his very favorite place being the neighbor's garage.  I searched the garage THREE times, but he wasn't there.  By nightfall I was very worried.  I knocked on neighbor's doors and put up posters.  The next day I reported him missing to animal services.  I prayed to find him, but I just knew that I would never see him again.
     All of my nephews dearly love Truman.  When they heard of his disappearance, they were very upset.  Mason, the oldest, helped me to hang the missing posters in my neighborhood.  He told me to go knock on doors again and again.  He said, "Aunt Jenny, if they say, 'I don't have your cat.' and then they smile at you, you will know that they are lying."
     By Friday evening  Truman had been missing 3 days, and I had all but given up hope.  I had been helping my mom babysit the boys that day.  They left with my dad, their Grandad, at 6:00 to go to the show and I made my way home for more door knocking.  I did knock on a few doors that night, but nothing panned out.  Then, just before dark, I took the dogs out for one last play session.  It must have been about 8:50 or 9:00.   All of the sudden I got the feeling to call Truman's name.  Now I had been doing this EVERY day since he was missing.  But the feeling came to me that I should do this again.  So I did.  I called Truman a couple of times.  To my amazement I heard a very small meow.  It was so soft I thought that I had imagined it.  I quickly put the dogs inside.
     By this time it almost dark, so I grabbed a flashlight.  I raced outside and looked up into all of the trees calling him again and again.  I heard his distinctive meow just once, and I knew I needed to look in the neighbor's garage again.  That's just what I did.  To my amazement, a very happy Truman strolled up to me and rubbed against my legs.  I scooped him up and cried into his fur, so happy to have him back.  After getting him food and water I called my mom to tell her the good news.  She cried with me and then shouted to the boys, who had just gotten back from their movie, that Truman was found.  My dad then told my mom that on the way to the theater my little nephews had felt impressed to pray to Heavenly Father for Truman.  My dad later told me that they were the most beautiful prayers he had every heard either of them utter.  The little boys were very happy to hear of Truman's safe return... but they were not surprised.  Jesus said, "Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:4 I need to strive to have the same kind of faith that my little nephews had that Friday night.  I'm so very thankful that I didn't have to permanently loose my cat to learn this lesson.

A dream fulfilled...

Fourteen years ago a wonderful golden retriever came into my life.  His name was Chase, and, like Aslan of the Narnia series, he was the most giving, loving, self sacrificing creature that I will EVER have the pleasure to know.  I loved Chase with all of my heart.  As his time drew to a close I was faced with the awful realization of his departure.  I knew myself and I knew that I could not be without a dog and that, when Chase passed, it would be too painful to look at other dogs.  So I went about finding a puppy.  I wanted a dog that would be just like Chase, laid back and placid.  Chase was a golden, but having grown up with the breed, I knew how rare he was among his peers.  As a result, I decided to look at the only breed that ever came close to resembling Chase... a newfoundland.
     I went to club meetings, talked to many owners, and met LOTS of big black dogs.  I fell in love.  But... after talking to the owners reality set in.  They told me how very expensive these dogs can be. As a teacher, I will never make loads of money so this concerned me.  They also told of their many health issues, ect.  The clincher for me was that their coat required LOTS of care.  I was used to taking care of Chase's coat.  I brushed him 2x a week and he went to the beauty parlor 1x a month.  However, I was told that a Newf would have to be brushed every day.  The spirit whispered to me that, although I really, really wanted a newfie, now was not the right time.  This is how I ended up with Tucker Jack.
     Tucker's personality is the complete OPPOSITE of Chase's personality.  I was truly guided to this little ball of fur.  I have made SO many friends in Utah because of the agility training that I have put Tuck through. It is a classic case of the Lord knowing what is best for us  before we know it.

     Even though I love Tucker and Allie (my female golden) my dream of owning a newfie never did go away.  I was always convinced that I could do it.  Once again, the Lord gives us exactly what we need.  Last week I coordinated a rescue of 3 purebred newfoundland puppies... a dream come true.  One of the female pups stayed with me for a couple of days before being adopted... by my mom and dad!!!  I felt so happy that my mom and dad had finally found the dog for them, but I also felt deflated.  I really liked this little girl and was seriously thinking of adopting her myself.  Let me correct myself.  My heart wanted to adopt her my mind said, "You don't have the means to do so."  Then out of the blue the male puppy's foster home fell through.  I soon found myself driving up to get him, thinking the whole time, "I wanted the male to begin with.  This is perfect.  Heavenly Father is totally working it out for me."  

     I've now had Cade, the male puppy, in my home for 5 days, and I can now say without a doubt that Tucker Jack and Allie Mae are the dogs for me.  I love Cade.  He's a real cutie.  But having an 86 pound six month old puppy in my house REALLY makes it seem a lot smaller.  The club members that I visited with before I got Tucker were telling the truth.  He does require more... more food, more space, more attention.  So today I thank my Heavenly Father for giving me the opportunity to learn this "hands on".  In the meantime I get to enjoy his squishy face before sending him to his forever home.  :) 

Faith... pass it on!

A friend of mine e-mailed me this story.  It touched me so much that I just had to share it.  

Our 14-year-old dog Abbey died last month. The day after she passed away my 4-year-old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about how much she missed Abbey. She asked if we could write a letter to God so that when Abbey got to heaven, God would recognize her. I told her that I thought we could so, and she dictated these words: 

Dear God,
Will you please take care of my dog? She died yesterday and is with you in heaven. I miss her very much. I am happy that you let me have her as my dog even though she got sick.

I hope you will play with her. She likes to swim and play with balls. I am sending a picture of her so when you see her you will know that she is my dog. I really miss her.

                                                      Love, Meredith

We put the letter in an envelope with a picture of Abbey and Meredith and addressed it to God/Heaven. We put our return address on it. Then Meredith pasted several stamps on the front of the envelope because she said it would take lots of stamps to get the letter all the way to heaven. That afternoon she dropped it into the letter box at the post office. A few days later, she asked if God had gotten the letter yet. I told her that I thought He had.

Yesterday, there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch addressed, 'To Meredith' in an unfamiliar hand. Meredith opened it. Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers called, 'When a Pet Dies.' Taped to the inside front cover was the letter we had written to God in its opened envelope. On the opposite page was the picture of Abbey & Meredith and this note: 


Dear Meredith,

Abbey arrived safely in heaven. Having the picture was a big help and I recognized her right away.

Abbey isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me just like it stays in your heart. Abbey loved being your dog. Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets to keep your picture in so I am sending it back to you in this little book for you to keep and have something to remember Abbey by.

Thank you for the beautiful letter and thank your mother for helping you write it and sending it to me. What a wonderful mother you have. I picked her especially for you.  I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very much. By the way, I'm easy to find. I am wherever there is love.

Love,
God

Lesson From a Dove

These little bunnies, about 6 days old, were attacked by a dog and orphaned. Two out of the litter of fivedid not survive, and these three were not doing very well.  Noah is a non-releasable, one-legged homing pigeon/rock dove that is in the rehab centre. Noah kept going over to the bunny cage and looking in -- even sleeping in front of the door to the cage. But when Noah moved a bit from the front of the cage. Then, suddenly, there were only two bunnies in the cage.  To everyone's surprise....there was the tiny bunny...under Noah's wing...sound asleep! That little bunny rabbit had crawled through the cage, preferring a featherbed, no doubt to snuggling up with its littermates!
Now, they are all together and the bunnies are doing GREAT. When the bunnies scoot underneath Noah's feathers, he carefully extends his wings out to surround them and then they snuggle. When one of them moves and they start sticking out here and there, he gently pushes them back under him with his beak!  It is beautiful and amazing to see... 

This is what God does with us when we need the warmth and love He offers. He gathers us under His loving wings to a warm cradle of protection. All we need do in return is give Him the thanks and praise for being with us.

"That in everything you are enriched by Him..." 1 Corinthians 1:5

I believe that the Book of Mormon is true!  I have known this truth for some time.  As I continue with my daily scripture study, the Holy Ghost whispers it to me over and over again.   I feel that it is true deep in my heart as I read and study both the Book of Mormon and The Bible.  I say with total certainty that the Book of Mormon is another testament of Christ.  "I glory in plainness; I glory in truth; I glory in my Jesus, for he hath redeemed by soul from hell."  2 Nephi 33:6

I believe!
 

Don't Lose The Lesson...

   School has been out since June 9th, and let me tell you it's been a great summer so far.  I have been able to hang with great friends and train with my best friends, my two Golden Retrievers, Tucker Jack and Allie Mae.  Last week I had a private lesson with my new mentor/instructor.  It was so, so good.  She said something that has stuck with me since then..  We were talking about running an agility course during a trial and how sometimes you just flub it.  You've prepared yourself and your dog, but you just blank out or mishandle the situation.  She said that this would happen every now and then.  She looked me in the eye.  Pointing her finger she said, "But whatever you do Jenn, don't loose the lesson."
     Wow!!!  What great advice!  Don't loose the lesson. Like an agility trial, life can be unpredictable.  Even when you have prepared and done everything right you can still mishandle a jump or an obstacle on a course.  It is true that my life's "course" hasn't gone the way that I would have wished it to go.  But through this I have learned many lessons that would have been impossible to learn without such tribulation.  I know, as I have written before, that I have been comforted when I needed it the most.  Like footprints in the sand I can look back and see the times that I was carried.
     I'm only 37 years old, and I have many more years left on this planet... I hope.  I'm sure there will be many more times when the trial that I face will seem too great for me to handle.  My greatest wish is to remember the phrase... "Don't loose the lesson."  I pray that looking at tribulation through the lens of learning will give me a deeper understanding, resilience, and endurance.  This is my prayer!

Saber and Conocer

  Today in Sunday school we were talking about the 16th and 17th chapters of John, which are about the Holy Ghost. In these chapters the Savior knows that the time has come for him to leave the apostles and make the ultimate sacrifice for us.  He will offer up himself as a sacrifice to free us from the chains of death and hell. In these chapters he explains to them that He is not going to be leaving them alone. He will be leaving a comforter for them.
     We then discussed as a class the mission of the Holy Ghost. The Holy Ghost will "reprove the world of sin". John 16: 8  The definiition of reprove is as follows: –verb (used with object)to criticize or correct, especially gently: to reprove a pupil for making a mistake; to disapprove of strongly; censure: to reprove a bad decision;to disprove or refute. (This comes from dictionary.com) I can testify that in my life the Holy Ghost has acted upon my spirit in this way. I am very grateful for the decisions that have made and not made because of these types of promptings.  The Holy Ghost is a comforter.  He will bring peace to us when we are grieving. He is also a teacher who brings things that we have been taught to our remembrance when we most need them. John 14: 26-27
       No one's life is perfect.  We all have our crosses that we are called to bear.  We may not get relief from our burdens in what we consider to be a timely manner.  The pains we suffer may go on... and on... and on..., but we can pray for peace and relief from our sufferings.  What a gift Jesus left with us after he ascended to heaven.
      As our Sunday School class ended our teacher told us that this lesson had reminded him of something that he had learned on his mission.  He served in Argentina.  While on his mission one of the apostles of the church, I think it was Elder Oakes, visited the mission.  He visited with the missionaries and bore his testimony about the Savior. Instead of using the Spanish word "saber", which means to know for a fact, Elder Oakes used the word conocer, which means to know someone.  Elder Oakes didn't just know for a fact, he also knew the person he was testifying about.
     I am a speaker of Spanish and contrasting the words saber and conocer really made me think about the Holy Ghost and his mission.  The Holy Ghost helps us to know (saber) of our Savior and his teachings.  If we live righteously and keep on listening to the promptings we receive we will come to know (conocer) Jesus, our Lord and Redeemer, someday.  Whether in this life of the next, it will happen.

For My Daddy!

        I am so lucky to have such a wonderful father. "Love Without End" by George Strait says, "You know, daddies don't just love their children every now and then. It's a love without end, amen." My dad lives this song. He has loved me my whole life and taught me about the love that my Father in Heaven has for me. I am so grateful for him. Love you, Daddy! Happy Father's Day!

L O V E

      Last night I went to see a movie that I have been wanting to see for the past week.  I've seen the entire series and am a big fan of it.   Since I've been reading my scriptures more often and praying I find that don't have time to watch TV mindlessly, nor do I wish to watch.  This is quite a phonomenon, since I have always watched TV or read a book to relax.
     It is no secret that our TV programs and movies are getting more violent and vulgar.  The movie I saw last night was no exception.  It was X-men First Class.  I did enjoy the story line, but I couldn't help but notice that the violence and vulgar scenes, while tame to modern day standards, were more sensational than the first X-men movie.  At least this is how I perceived it.  After the movie my family and I talked about how the movie was good but commented on the parts that could have been taken out.  Then we talked about the fact Hollywood will gladly put in scenes that are "edgy" to make people flock to the box office.  The callousness displayed by all media types reminds me of a scripture.  "And the love of men shall wax cold, and iniquity shall abound." Doctrine and Covenants 45:27
     As a matter of fact, I think this issue comes down to a matter of love.  Our society has lost the love of its fellow man, the love of the family, the love of church, and, sadly, the love of country.  We need to remember that Heavenly Father loved us so much that he sent his only begotten son, Jesus, to save us.  Jesus made it possible for us to repent and live with our Father in Heaven again, because He loved us. The apostle John wrote: "Beloved, let us love one another; for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.  He that loveth not, knoweth not God; for God is love. In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.  Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation of our sins.  Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another." 1 John 4:7-11
     I believe with all my heart that our job as children who have received and accepted the gospel is to help spread this message of hope and love.  Our Savior lives.  He bled in Gethsemane and hung on the cross at Calvary so that we can repent and be resurrected.  So I pledge that I am going to try to love my neighbor enough to share the glad tidings of the gospel both in word and by example.  I hope and pray that I can keep the TV turned off and that I can have the fortitude to keep stringently screening what passes before my eyes.  I know that if I do this I will be able to better serve my Heavenly Father.

   

We are His Witnesses

     Tonight my reading took me to the 9th  and 10th chapters of Alma where Amulek becomes a witness to Alma's testimony.   In these chapters Amulek admits that he had hardened his heart to the word of God.  But, and this is the part I really like, when it really counted he listened. He welcomed Alma into his home giving him nourishment.   Then he goes a step further and adds his testimony to that of Alma.   This could not have been an easy thing for him. In verse 4 of chapter 10 he says, "And behold, I am also a man of no small reputation among those who know me..." So I can only imagine how much conviction and faith it took for him to boldly preach to his brethren.
     The idea of reputation kind of stuck with me after I read these verses.  The reputation that the world reveres is not the kind of reputation that Alma and Amulek had after they got done preaching.  And yet, both men were strong and bold in their speech.  They knew that standing as a witness to God at all times and in all things was the MOST important thing.  In doing so, I believe they gained an inner peace, the peace that only comes from the Holy Ghost when one has done what one knows to be right and true.  "And we are his witnesses of these things; and so is also the Holy Ghost, whom God hath given to them that obey him." Acts 5:32 
     After reading these chapters I feel impressed to say with much boldness of speech:  I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  I know who I am.  I know God's plan.  I'll follow Him in Faith.  I believe in the Savior Jesus Christ.  I'll honor His name.  I'll do what is right.  I'll follow His light.  His truth I will proclaim.

Let the Spirit Be Your Guide

Harold B. Lee - Taken from the Doctrine and Covenants Seminary Guide, pg. 206

When Harold B. Lee was a small boy, he saw through a fence into a neighbor’s yard some broken-down buildings and imagined exploring them. As he climbed through the fence, a voice said to him, “Harold, don’t go over there.” He later explained: “I  looked in every direction to see where the speaker was. I wondered if it was my father, but he couldn’t see me. There was no one in sight. I realized that someone was warning me of an unseen danger. . . . From that time on, I accepted without question the fact that there were processes not known to man by which we can hear voices from the unseen world, by which we can have brought to us the visions of eternity.” (“The Way to Eternal Life,” Ensign, Nov. 1971, 17). 

       Today I had my own true warning from the spirit. I was given the opportunity to be a foster mommy to the cutest lab/malamute mix.  Anyone who knows me, knows how much I love dogs.  Puppies are like crack cocaine to me.  As I contemplated fostering this cute little pup I just got a "wrong" feeling in the pit of my stomach.  I am sad to admit that I disregarded the feeling and agreed to do it.  I wanted it and that was that.  Thankfully, as the day wore on, the wrong feeling I had got stronger and stronger.  It did not go away until I contacted the rescue group and withdrew my offer to foster.  This little girl is really sweet and I am puppy hungry in the worst way.  But... despite what I think I want, I would always rather have the peace that listening to the spirit brings.
    This is the sweetie that I had to turn down.  Don't worry she is not in a kill shelter.  She is being fostered by Arctic Breed Rescue.  She is available for adoption.  Email me if you are interested and I'll send you the group's email address.

Real Men want Real Women

Yep... you read the title correctly.  As I was reading in Alma yesterday I was struck by the absolute sacrifice made by Alma (the elder).  In chapter 4, Alma, seeing the great wickedness that has swept over his people, passes his position of Chief Judge onto another.  This was a very high and honored position among the Nephites, but he does this so that he can go and preach the word to the Nephites.  He is successful in his endeavors and is later welcomed by the people in the land of Gideon.  The people in this land receive him with open hearts and minds.  However, upon entering the land of Ammonihah he is rejected and cast out... and not in a nice way.  Upon leaving the city the spirit directs him to return.  He is obedient.
      At this point in my reading I have to ask myself what I would do.  First, would I be willing to give up my "status" if I had any?  Second, would I be able to dedicate my life to preach the gospel after giving up said status?  And third, would I be willing to listen to the spirit and return to a city where I clearly was not welcome?  These questions all danced around in my head as I read these chapters.  I started thinking... 'WOW, Alma was a true servant of God.  He was real in every aspect of his life.  He was a real man.'
     After I finished my reading I thought some more about the concept of being real.  I came upon some awesome videos on youtube and posted them to my blog. To me, the men in the videos that I have posted are all REAL men. And then I realized that, although I am not married as I wish to be, it is worth it to wait for something "real".
     Now here's the catch... this REAL man that I'm waiting for... well, he's gonna want a REAL woman.  Now... that's a LOT of pressure.  So far I've merely dabbled at being a REAL woman.  It is time for me to knuckle down and get serious.  Because somewhere out there is a REAL man waiting to know the REAL me!

Rob & Tracie Morris - Former Super Bowl Champion, Parents of 5 and Mormons

Victor Guzman - 9/11 Survivor, Father, Mormon

Ian Harvey - Marine, Olympian, Mormon

Alex Boye Father, Musician and Mormon

Nnamdi Okonkwo- Creating With Joy

Sacrament Meeting June 12, 2011

Our speakers during Sacrament meeting were couple returned from a service mission in Edinburgh, Scotland.  The sister explained that their mission had a geneolgy mission. Apparently the Scots are very good record keepers, and have kept records from long ago.  The Church is attempting to digitize those records. The sister explained that the Scottish government made an agreement with the Church.  They would provide the documents, a room, and cameras if the LDS Church would provide the free labor.  The missionaries were not even called missionaries.  They were not allowed to wear their badges.  They wore work clothes instead of Sunday dress and were not allowed to proselyte.  The sister went on to say that they worked Monday through Friday from 7:00 am to 3:00 pm.  Because they were not able to preach the Gospel, after work the couple did a lot of reactivation work.

      The sister told of a single mother who they worked with who had lived a rocky life before finding the Gospel.   The single mother had a testimony, read her scriptures, and prayed, but did not attend church.  The couple worked tirelessly serving the sister and teaching her about the atonement.  Then one day she said, "I understand" and was able to get rid of her antidepressants and come back to church.  The sister missionary said that nothing materially changed for the single mother, but the understanding of the atonement made all the difference in her life.
     The sister missionary's parting comments really impacted me.  She said that Jesus left us with a new commandment saying "As I have loved you love one another."  The sister said that on her mission she learned to take people where they were and love them. "Once we do this, a change of heart is possible."  I think that accepting people this way will not only change their hearts but our own hearts.
     Her husband also spoke to us.  He said the he had never had a favorite scripture but that while on his mission he learned to love one passage in Matthew in particular.  "But when the Pharisees had heard that the had put the Sadducees to silence, they were gathered together.  Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a question, tempting him and saying, 'Master, which is the great commandment in the law?' Jesus said unto him,Thou shalt love the Lord they God with all they heart and with all they soul, and with all thy mind.' This is the first and great commandment.  And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.'"Matthew 22:34-40  After the Elder had read this scripture he pointed out that all the commandments fall under these two great commandments.  He said, and I really loved this part, "the point is love not performance.  If you love God your performance will follow."  The Elder went on to say that the service that they gave Mon-Fri digitizing documents was, at times,  tedious, but that he grew from his service.  He said that he grew on him mission by setting up a personal ministry. He and his wife taught the members of the Edinburgh ward and they also had a great passion for reactivation.  Our personal ministry should be centered around loving God and our fellow man.
       The Bishop got up after this Elder's talk and said something quite profound.  "We should have a great sense and empathy for our fellow man.  When God steps back nd looks At all of us He see us as all the same.  We should strive for the same perspective."

How do you like me now?

   I was not going to even address this musical in my blog, but I've had several friends who have posted about it on Facebook. To ignore these posts by my friends would be, in my opinion a cowardly action.  So... here goes.
       The tagline for this Broadway musical says, "God loves Mormons.  He wants some more."  This is true.  As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints I believe it is the only true church on the face of the earth.  This doesn't mean that I can't agree on some religious points with my non-mormon friends.  As I have stated before I lived in Texas for 11 years.  There were many times that I had to agree to disagree, but I left that state with many precious and dear friends.  I believe that by setting a good example... most of the time (Hey, I'm not perfect) I was proselyting by example.  It didn't matter that I was in my own backyard.  I was still proselyting.    In Matthew 28:19 we read: “Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. None of my non-member friends were baptized Mormon while I lived in Texas but I believe that I planted a seed.  To me that is just as important.  
     President Gordon B. Hinckley stated in his April 1999 conference address: "There are 137,629 volunteers and missionaries in nonproselyting activities. These are, for the most part, mature individuals who contribute their time and talents without compensation of any kind but with a great love for the work of the kingdom. Their united contribution is the equivalent of 15,174 full-time employees with a payroll value of $531,000,000. What a remarkable thing this is." I note that President Hinckley points out that these missionaries do this because they have a "great love for the work of the kingdom". This is true. Why would a 19 year old young man or 21 year old young woman go to... hmmm... let's use the play's location... Uganda, unless they had a great belief, love, and conviction about what they are doing? 
     A NY1 Theater review gave this synopsis about the play: "[The] musical...tells the story of two young idealistic Mormons who leave their Salt Lake City base for Uganda where their mission is to win converts to Mormonism. They quickly discover that the natives aren't exactly ready, willing or able to deal with religion. Plagued by abject poverty, AIDS and the constant threat of death and violence, they're a little preoccupied with basic survival. They don't regard God as particularly friendly to them; and in an irreverently hilarious number they hammer the point home." My brother Tim served a mission in Missouri and Illinois. My brother Sean served a mission in New Jersey. Both of them found some "natives" who weren't "exactly ready, willing or able to deal with religion".  Many of the "natives" there were preoccupied with survival and didn't see God as friendly to them, but both Tim and Sean also found people who received their message, people who had in fact been prepared by God to hear it. Both came back good men, and both are now awesome husbands and fathers. I know that their missions had a lot to do with this. Remember when you are serving others you are serving God. The person serving always gets more out of the service. As Christians we believe this to be true.  David asked the Children of Israel, "...who then is willing to consecrate his service this day unto the Lord?" 1 Chronicles 29:5 

     To the makers of this musical... I am sorry if you find hypocrisy in the church.   The church is made up of people who are human and are not perfect. I have not always been a good example to my friends.  I tend to be a little "salty" in my speech.   This doesn't make the church wrong or untrue.  To all of my friends and family who may be struggling or who are enjoying this "slam" on The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I challenge you to use the open mind that I know all of you have.  If you really read and study the scriptures with an open heart and mind I promise you would find no hypocrisy.  I promise that, in fact, you would find answers.  "And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost." Moroni 10:4

Forget Texas... the eyes of HEAVEN are upon me...

   I believe with all my heart that the prayers I offer on behalf of others will be listened to and answered.  As I've said before, it has been hard for me to pray for myself and believe that I will be heard.  I know in my heart that this is not true, but I've got some hang ups that I'm trying to get over.  Well, last night a little miracle happened in my life.  Less than 25 minutes after posting to my blog the Elder's quorum showed up on my doorstep.  They were there to see if I needed anything and to invite me to church.  It is interesting to me that my post was titled "When a choice is placed before you...".  I know that I have a choice, and Heavenly Father knows I have a choice.  Going to church after being inactive will not be so easy, but I'm going to do it.  I'm not worried about the "eyes of Texas", I know now that the eyes of Heaven are upon me.  Going to church is the right thing to do.  As the song states, "Choose the right. Choose the right. Let heaven mark the way before.  In its light choose the right, and God will bless you evermore."

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When A Choice Is Placed Before You...

 Last night my scripture reading took me through the first three chapters of Alma.  I have read these chapters many times, but once again I was struck with the parallel between the Nephites' history and modern day history.  
     Just as the church today is persecuted and its members maligned, the members of the church in Alma's day were also persecuted.  "As it came to pass that in the first year of the reign of Alma in the judgment-seat, there was a man brought before him to be judged, a man who was large and was noted for his much strength.  And he had gone about among the people, preaching to them that which he termed to be the word of God, bearing down against the church; declaring unto the people that every priest and teacher ought to become popular; and they ought not to labor with their hands, but that they ought to be supported by the people." Alma 1:2-3  Later on this man, named Nahor, is seen taking money from the people for the "preaching" he has done.  The people esteem him very highly, and his false doctrine takes hold of some of the people.  I feel that it also sets the stage for more false prophets to try and steal away the hearts of the Nephites. 
     It is the same today.  We have many voices all around us, shouting at us to listen.  It is often hard to hear the promptings of the still small voice.  
     When I was 17, the ward that I attended in California had a wilderness camp for the youth.  It was a very important event in my life and helped to deepen my testimony.  We had many activities and participated in many games.  Each game/activity was an object lesson and helped us to realize things about ourselves and our faith.  
     These chapters from Alma reminded me of one of the games we played.  My companions and I were blindfolded and told that our goal was to walk about 500 yards while trying to stay on the safe dirt path.  The terrain was very rocky and full of brambles and sage brush, but before the blindfolds were put on we all clearly saw that there was a  dirt path that would lead us to the our end goal.  Our chaperones told us that we would hear some tapping and hitting sounds.  These sounds, we were told, would lead us to our goal.  I stood still and waited to hear the sound that I was told would lead me home.  I didn't have to wait very long.  In front of me I heard a soft tapping sound.  I took a few steps and immediately heard another sound.  This one was loud and insistent.  It sounded as if two sticks were being banged together.   I hesitated.  The loud sticks sounded again.  I followed.  Everything was fine. 'Afterall, ' I remember thinking, 'the soft tapping was not coming in a timely manner.'  I didn't feel any bramble so I knew I must still be on the path.  Then I heard the soft tapping.  I could tell that I was far away from it, but the sticks sounded again.  So I followed.  It didn't take long for me to get all stuck up in a tumbleweed, sage brush disaster.  That is when I knew that I had indeed wandered away from the path.  I heard the tapping again.  I tried to move toward it but I was tangled in the bush.  It was then that I felt hands reach out to me.  It was one of my advisors.    The bush was removed from my legs and I was free to choose wither I would go.  Of course, I chose to follow the tapping and avoided the stick sounds.  A few minutes later I made it to my goal and was embraced by my companions.  This experience happened to me 20 years ago and yet I still remember it.  
     Last Sunday I had a dream that made me realize something terrible about myself.  I have been listening to the sticks instead of the tapping.  During my scripture reading I was reminded again that "...every man receiveth wages of him whom he listeth to obey, and this according to the words of the spirit of prophecy; therefore let it be according to the truth..." Alma 3:27  I choose to follow the tapping.  I choose to follow God.

Hope floats?

  This morning I woke up and the expression "hope floats" came to my mind.  I have thought about it all day, puzzling the significance of such a saying.  As I've tried to relate the concept of hope to my own life, all I can see are all the hopes that I have that have not yet been realized.  Yet... hope floats.  
     Hope is the act of believing that a promise will be fulfilled.  Hope can buoy one's soul up  in the midst of an emotional tempest.  Sometimes I think that I have lost all hope, but inevitably  something will happen to help hope to float back to the surface of my spirit.  
     Father Abraham hoped even in the face of impossible circumstances.  He had been promised that his offspring would be as numerous as the sands, and this when he was a very old man. Despite the odds he hoped and believed.  As we all know, the promise was fulfilled.  
     I too have the hope of being a wife and mother, whether in this life or in the next.  What do I do with my hope in the meantime?  In proverbs we read: "Hope deferred maketh the heart sick; but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life."  Proverbs 13:12   When I read this scripture I felt vindicated.  "Ah Ha!" I wanted to shout, "so you do admit that hope can make you heartsick."  Then I reread the scripture.  The word 'deferred' means "to put off or delay an action or consideration".  To me the scripture is saying that when WE put off the act of hoping our heart becomes sick.  We have to choose to defer hope, but if we let that hope float within us we find that our desire blossoms.  
      I know that I sound very optimistic and it is true that all is right with my world right now. Holding onto hope when things look dark can be tricky.  It's no secret that I have been guilty of falling down the rabbit hole of despair, but I have always gotten my hope back when I invited Hope's sisters, Faith and Charity,  to stay awhile in my heart.  I realize that when I am faithful in keeping my covenants and when I serve others that is when my hope truly floats.

With Christ You'll Never Walk Alone

Lessons I Learned as a Boy

'Ere You Left Your Bed This Morning...

     When I first moved to Texas, I was 23 years old and very naive.  The job that I took was my first teaching job as a bilingual Spanish teacher.  I was terrified.  During this time I let myself be influenced by my very anti-mormon cousin.  She was the only person that I knew in Dallas and I incorrectly anchored myself to her.  I am now 37 years old, but I do not believe that I will ever forget that time in my life.  To say that it was difficult would be an extreme understatement.
     You may be wondering why I am writing about this so many years after it has happened.   I was reminded yesterday about this experience while reading in Mosiah 27.  Alma the younger and the sons of Mosiah were persecuting the church.  The scriptures say: "And he (Alma the younger) became a hinderment to the prosperity of the church of God; stealing away the hearts of the people; causing much dissension among the people; giving a chance for the enemy of God to exercise his power over them" Mosiah 27: 9  This happened to me, and I'm sorry to say that I was a willing participant.  I was angry and frustrated that the desire of my heart had not come to pass.  And that is where the tiny fissure began in my testimony.  I did the worst thing I could have done... I stopped praying.
     My parents, however, did not stop praying.  They plead with the Lord on my behalf.  I am so grateful for their faith and hope.  They trusted that I would seek the Lord out again and ask of Him what it was that I should do.  My parents were just like Alma.  "The Lord hath heard the prayers of his servant, Alma, who  is thy father; for he has prayed with much faith concerning thee that thou mightest be brought to the knowledge of the truth; therefore, for this purpose have I come to convince thee of the power and authority of God, that the prayers of his servants might be answered according to their faith."  Mosiah 27: 14  An angel did not appear to me.  I spent a few months in an evangelical church and I finally learned through prayer four gospel principles that my "new church" rejected that I knew for sure were true.
1.  Heavenly Father is the father of my spirit. He is a seperate being.
2. Jesus is my older brother who chose to come to earth and take upon Him my sins so that I may live again.  He is a seperate being.
3. The Holy Ghost is the comforter and he is a seperate being.
4.  I lived before I came to earth.
     Interestingly enough these simple gospel principles are what anchored me to my faith at that time in my life.  Prayer is what helped me to sort it all out.  "So when life gets dark and dreary... don't forget to pray."

These things shall give thee experience Doctrine and Covenants 122:7

    I have not suffered the afflictions of the prophet Joseph Smith. No one has ever dragged me from my bed in the wintertime.  I have not been tarred and feathered. I have not endured unsanitary and deplorable conditions in a small dirt basement jail.  I have not suffered the afflictions of the prophet Joseph Smith.There are far worse things that I could be made to endure and yet I am "heavy laden".
     Last night I dreamed a dream that was so real and disturbing that I woke up truly shaken.  I dreamed of a good friend who was once the love of my life.  In the dream he was in trouble and I was praying for his well being.  I felt my Heavenly Father so close to me at that moment.  When I woke up, I felt desolate and lost.  I still love my friend and am still in love with him.  Perhaps I always will be. Unfortunately he has chosen a path that I cannot walk down with him.  As a result, I am single and a proud member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  It is hard to be a faithful, single woman in the church.  I have been a member all of my life.  I have always wanted to be a wife and a mother.  But the Lord hasn't blessed me with this... at least not yet.  
     In his October 2006 conference address, Elder Dallin H. Oakes gave a talk titled "He Heals the Heavy Laden".  I think this talk was written just for me.  Elder Oakes reminds us that the Savior invited us to "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28  Elder Oakes goes on to say that many of us carry heavy burdens.  He mentions the unrequited desire to be married as a "heavy burden".  To have an apostle of the Lord sympathize with my situation gives me comfort.  It propels me forward and I am able to look outside myself and notice my many blessings.
     My most precious blessings are my earthly Mother and Father who love me unconditionally.  They are my anchors in the stormy port of life.  Mom is always there to listen to me, and Dad is always ready to take a drive and just talk.  I love them both.
     So this dream that upset me so much this morning turned out to be a blessing.  It forced me to look at myself through a magnifying glass and realize that I have become like the Nephites who cried, "We have enough" and had things taken from them.  And I realized today, although somewhat painfully, that the girl in my dream... the girl playing me... was not me.  She was praying to her Father in Heaven in earnest, knowing that He would in fact answer her.  Trusting Him, she knew that her prayer would be answered and that He would give her rest from her burdens.
     Somehow I've lost that.  I've let me anger get in the way.  I've cried, "Enough" and I've gone my seperate way.  No more... This day I pledge that I will put more effort into my spiritual self.  I will harken unto the council of King Benjamin who said:  "And now , because of the covenant which ye have made ye shall be called the children of Christ, his sons, and his daughters; for behold, this day he hath spiritually begotten you; for ye are born of him and have become his sons and his daughters." Mosiah 5:7  I have awaken from a dream, and I will count this trial as an experience that has burned from my wheat some of the tares Mathew 13: 30  It has made me into something better.